ice had deposited in his veins

he was scared to be alone, to turn to speak to someone only to realise there was nobody there, that they were all long gone. he would start going back, memories flooding, of this time or that other one. he would go one by one, study them, seeing the possibilities....ah, time gives one that, the perspective we don't have in the middle of it. he would ponder over the chances he missed and how it might have turned out differently...all the things he could have done, said....useless attempts at changing the past, for it never does, at least in real life. he tried to remember what had led him to take some decisions, the rationale behind his actions, but he couldn't remember. all he could remember, feel, was the void, the one that had followed him ever since. the regret had left him forever cold, not like in those winter nights when you want to curl up next to someone, it was more like ice had deposited in his veins, the cold coming from within, the sun being able only to warm his skin.