los dos primeros meses

despues de una semana sin internet en una maratoniana semana de trabajo, de esas en las que durante 6 dias solo ves a tus colegas de trabajo, a los camareros o a los animales del lugar como mucho, pensando en el mes que se acaba, y en lo que deparara el resto del 2009, una se plantea varias cosas, algunas serias, otras chorradas, otras puntos de reflexion

por ahora los dos primeros meses han sido intensos y bastante agotadores
agotadores a causa de luchas emocionales con una misma y con otro; de una falta de preparacion fisica a la que por primera vez tengo toda intencion de poner remedio (supongo que las cantinelas tantas veces oidas pierden el mensaje original para pasar a ser algo que se oye (a veces, a menudo...) y que se ignora (con una sonrisa de gracia, de gracias o glacial); y de relaciones laborales inmediatas que se parecen a subidas solitarias al everest de la paciencia

por ahora los dos primeros meses siguen sin cambiar las dificultades inherentes a construir relaciones en generico, a distancias kilometricas y mentales para seguir unido pese a no estarlo
a no estarlo en el sentido del dia a dia, de poder sonreir, abrazar, tocar, pasarle un panhuelo a quien llora, emborracharse, charlar durante horas, ir de compras..... pero seguir estandolo, como un punto fijo y seguro, que una vez salvadas las compatibilidades horarias y tecnologicas, esta ahi, a la escucha y la espera, en los 'hitos', o no, de la vida de una

por ahora los dos primeros meses del anho han sido sin tabaco, pero con una nueva addiccion, a internet, como demuestra una semana sin conexion
sin conexion al mundo, a los oscars o las nuevas 'gaffes' de berlusconi (fuente de sorpresas y verguenza a partes iguales, quizas mas de lo segundo); a los blogs y la vida de quien los escribe; a encontrarse amig@s y parientes en alguna de las multiples opciones del mundo virtual; a no sentirse desconectada a pesar de estar en un pais minusculo en el medio de africa, en el que brillan por su ausencia la iniciativa, la responsabilidad y el sentido comun (en sentido literal y figurado) a la par que una vida cultural, una mala calidad de vida o una monocultural

por ahora los dos primeros meses los siento como una cima conquistada que me ha traido una sensacion de madurez, perspectiva y vision, sobre lo que quiero y no, quien quiero ser y no, como quiero ser y no en mi vida, mi pareja, mi trabajo, mis amistades, mi tiempo
mi tiempo, para mi o decido por mi, con quien lo paso, a quien quiero cerca, lo que acepto, mis limites respecto a cosas, importantes y chorras por igual, lo que me queda por aprender y lo que me gustaria limar...... sin quitarle tiempo y oportunidad al imprevisto, a las casualidades o las sorpresas; al suenho y los suenhos; o a futuros viajes, lugares y personas

pensamiento conclusion de la semana

vigila tus pensamientos porque se convierten en palabras,
vigila tus palabras porque se convierten en acciones,
vigila tus acciones porque se convierten en hábitos,
vigila tus hábitos porque se convierten en tu destino

does it ever arrive a time when....? (II)

en fin, despues de que una erupcion volcanica me dejase echa polvo
decidi que asi no se puede, que habia que analizar y cambiar

le pedi a mi companhero de fatigas, dada su naturaleza calamada, un ayudita
y analizamos durante un buen rato, la situacion, mi situacion y el futuro posible

las conclusiones, si bien evidentes desde fuera (supongo) y letanias repetidas durante anhos
fueron revolucionarias, no en si mismas, pero si la manera en que las entendi/ interiorize

asi que en mi primer dia de mi nueva vida, me hice 40 min de piscina y 30 min de pilates
la eliminacion de toxinas como parte de una vida libre de erupciones volcanicas

por supuesto, hay mas deberes que hacer, pero todo gran viaje comienza con un pequenho paso

celebrando....tener amig@s

que te escriben desde parajes lejanos para contarte su vida y mandarte animo
que te dejan sus posesiones terrenales para facilitarte unas vacaciones
que te invitan a cenas y comidas para agradecerte companhias
que te traen una botella de tequila porque si, para fiestear y festejar
que te cuentan historias para hacerte reir, en tiempo de necesidad, y lo contrario
que te envian fotos para despertar tu curiosidad y parte artistica y artesanal
que te inspiran, abrazan, quieren.....

que.....eso.....que.....que guay es tener amig@s!

does it ever arrive a time when...?

does it arrive a time when you are able to control yourself in the manner you had always wanted? a time when you are centered and manage to stay there for a while? when you, like in the japanese sport, use the other's energy to your advantage? when you consider than instead of erupting like a volcano as usual, you are able to control the internal heat and responded to provocation in a calm and diplomatic manner? when you are able to transform the harakiri and torturing wishes to an empathetic response that allows the situation to move on? when instead of pleasure giving images of boxing with your opponent (except it is one way boxing, against the other obviously) you have those images of paradise beaches or lakes that are supposed to inspire calm, accompanied by that (never) relaxing water sound? when you consider that after years of learning and trying, you have interiorised all of that in a way that enables outside change? or is it impossible to fight against one's nature?

wet silence

expat life is about working and having fun in the most balanced way possible
many have their families far away, and friends are hard to find and make
people become your family in one way, but at the same time, the great majority of relations are quite superficial, which, as far as parties are concerned, does not terribly affect the result

yesterday, there was a St Valentine's party in the capital
someone with an awesome house offered to host such an event, and a dress code was developed and duly sent to all invitees by email in advance, so
if you were in red, you were not available; the opposite to green
if you were in black, you were not only available but desperate
white made you available but not very experienced
a flowery material made you open to all possibilities
and purple made you non available but negotiable

many nationalities and personalities gathered, bottles of all sort of alcohol were opened
at some point, i felt four hands grabbing me
all of a sudden, total silence
i was deep down in the pool with my clothes, sandals, jewelry and glass

from that moment on, i felt the hands-grabbing moment followed by the silence many times
to the point that by the end of the party, once absolutely everybody there had been thrown into the pool, one or several times, i counted about 20 times of screaming nooooooooo
followed by the wet silence

once you get into the mood, and you are absolutely soaking wet, you want everybody to be the same, so i will confess being the instigator of many other people's wet silence

Playstation and Coltan Fever

Fantastic article that unmasks the great lie about 'ethnic' tensions in the DRC conflict, it is all about the money

The eastern part of the Democratic Republic of Congo (DRC) is extremely rich in Coltan (Columbite-Tantalite), a rare metallic ore used for the production of electronic goods of mass consumption, such as mobile phones, laptops and videogame consoles, whose profits have fuelled the largest conflict in modern African history.

For over 10 years, companies in industrialized countries have purchased Coltan despite war and lawlessness in the DRC, and they became profitable sources of foreign currency for a multitude of state and non-state actors, including rebel forces, Rwandan and Ugandan governments (and their armies), licensed companies and poor communities with no employment opportunities. [..]

The demand for Coltan by western industries reached its peak at the end of 2000 when new technologies started being used for mobile phones and other electronic devices. According to Toward Freedom's John Lasker, high market prices were mainly related to the mass production of Sony Playstation II combined with a global shortage of supplies. Correspondingly, the price for Coltan rose dramatically: from US$30 per pound in 1999 to US$380 per pound in December 2000. [..]

NGOs and activist groups started campaigns against these companies and the news appeared in the media for the first time. As a result, many giant corporations such as Nokia, Samsung and Motorola published specific corporate policies against the use of Congolese Coltan and are today buying, at least officially, from other producers in Australia, Canada and few other countries. [..]

"The trade has never stopped and it is still directly or indirectly linked to the financing of rebel groups. Even though corporations write in their websites that they do not buy Coltan in the DRC, these are only PR announcements that are impossible to implement."

However, not much seems to have changed in the DRC since 2001.

gorillas in the mud, rather than the midst

it was a long 8h + drive to arrive to the cute guest house we were staying

it was clean, nice and owned by a women's organisation set up after the rwandan genocide

at 6am we were up and eating breakfast

at 7am we were in the national park entrance

after a rather hard drive up the parking and 3 hours of walking in the jungle, amidst wild nettles (idea for torture), mud up til you calfs and bamboo trees 6 metres tall, we saw them

they were less than a metre away from us

the silver back and female arriving

the group

la pobreza y la belleza

mi silencio se debe a los viajes, la cantidad de trabajo y las discusiones necesarias a tener

la semana pasada fui a visitar a una comunidad de Batwas, la minoria indigena de estas tierras
gente que ha estado historicamente discriminada, que como los gitanos europeos eran nomadas
que no tienen nada, de nada....de nada
los ninhos van en harapos, literal, y de toda la comunidad de unas 100 personas, la mitad ninh@s, no iba ningun@ a la escuela
una organizacion europea les habia construido unas casas, pero sino seguian haciendo las suyas tradicionales, de paja y una sola estancia
un 'hombre' de 18 anhos, casado con una 'mujer' de 17, sobrevivian como podia arando los campos de otros, de una jornada laboral de 6am a 15pm, $0.50
el proyecto que yo llevo, les podria ayudar... pero va a tardar unos anhos.... y de mientras?
viven en la mas absoluta pobreza, en medio de parajes naturales de mucha belleza