let's prepare a weekend away

-let's go away for the weekend
-yeah, why don't we go to a national park, see the wildlife, beautiful landscapes
-excellent, what shall we bring?
-well, let's start with the important things: sleeping bag, food, water, a bottle of whisky...
-yeah, some lighting, a mosquito net, coffee for the morning
-anything else we might need?
- i just spoke to a friend of mine, he said that we need a machete
-a machete?!
-yes, he says to defend ourselves from the animals, apparently there are lions
-holy shit!
- or in case we get stuck in the bush to cut it
-i'm beginning to feel like indiana jones....; where can we buy one?
-in the chinese shop